Since I’ve deleted my followers last month, I decided to write more openly and share more of the personal things that have been going on inside my brain. With the blank page in front of me and the cursor blinking quite rapidly, I find myself lost for words.
Where do I start? How do I begin to write everything that’s been going through my mind?
Most of my thoughts are circled with work. There are things I can’t talk about (but believe me I do want to talk about it) that involves the bigger picture – choosing employees or choosing the business – which make me want to not work in a corporate environment anymore. Somehow the business always wins even if the employees try their best to choose the employees.
Being a lead, I’m being taught how to handle these kinds of situations. I’m being taught how to be nonchalant about making decisions but I feel I can’t do it. If there’s anything I’ve learned about myself after getting married it’s I’m a person who likes to play by the book. I’m also the kind who likes justice and kindness to prevail. The decisions I feel like I have to make (if I go higher up the food chain) are tough on me because sometimes the values I have don’t jive with it. I empathize to much to the point that some people could be manipulating or using me.
Which brings me to my biggest challenge career wise. Do I choose to lead people or be a technical lead? I want to make a choice because I don’t want to be stagnant. I want to see where this career takes me (before begging my husband if I can resign, lol) and see what else this company has to offer.
I should probably talk to my manager about this but posting my thoughts on the internet is far better and less judgmental. Who knows, my manager might choose the business over me.