I have this friend whose partner is going abroad to pursue higher education. They’re going to be separated for a minimum of three years. They’re around twenty-six years old.
It’s really none of my business that’s why when he was sharing the news with me all I can do was support him and their decision. But now that I’m alone with my thoughts, I can’t help but wonder if that would’ve happened to me, what would I do? Would I make the same choice?
If I was twenty-six years old and my then boyfriend (now husband) would tell me that he would like to go abroad to go study, I would let him go but I’d like some sort of assurance that he and I would still be together once he comes back. It better be a big decision like – a proposal or investing in a house – whatever it might be, I need that assurance from him. I couldn’t and shouldn’t stop him from pursuing his dreams but I’m twenty-six already. I need to know and I need to be assured that he’s going away because he wants to follow his dream and not because of our relationship.
It’s a big ask. Who knows what’ll happen in the three years we are apart. That’s why having some sort of commitment will hopefully motivate us to stay devoted to our relationship. But let’s also be real, even with the commitment itself, feelings do change especially if there’s distance involved.
While mulling this over, I had to ask my husband his thoughts on this. His answer is that if it would’ve happened to us, he would break up with me. He believes that it’s always better to have freedom rather than being committed to someone and then hurt them. It’s not breaking up because you think your relationship isn’t going to work but rather breaking up because you want the other person to be free to experience things. He wants to support his partner but not tie her down.
To this, I said, well what if I meet someone new there? He goes, well at least you didn’t hurt me and you don’t have to feel guilty about it. He basically wants to break up but he also wants his partner to come back to him, eventually. Is it me or does my husband think weirdly?
I still don’t know the right answer to this. What’s worse is there is no right answer. You’d have to put into consideration everything in your relationship before making a decision. The only right decision here is letting your partner go. Relationships shouldn’t hold you down. Your partner should support you and push you out of your comfort zone.
LDRs sometimes work but sometimes it also fails. Love and relationships are always a little tricky. The only thing I can really say is to love hard and love true.
If you were in their shoes, what would you do? (ps. I may or may not tell them your comments for fun.)