Thoughts this Sunday

I have this friend whose partner is going abroad to pursue higher education. They’re going to be separated for a minimum of three years. They’re around twenty-six years old.

It’s really none of my business that’s why when he was sharing the news with me all I can do was support him and their decision. But now that I’m alone with my thoughts, I can’t help but wonder if that would’ve happened to me, what would I do? Would I make the same choice?

If I was twenty-six years old and my then boyfriend (now husband) would tell me that he would like to go abroad to go study, I would let him go but I’d like some sort of assurance that he and I would still be together once he comes back. It better be a big decision like – a proposal or investing in a house – whatever it might be, I need that assurance from him. I couldn’t and shouldn’t stop him from pursuing his dreams but I’m twenty-six already. I need to know and I need to be assured that he’s going away because he wants to follow his dream and not because of our relationship.

It’s a big ask. Who knows what’ll happen in the three years we are apart. That’s why having some sort of commitment will hopefully motivate us to stay devoted to our relationship. But let’s also be real, even with the commitment itself, feelings do change especially if there’s distance involved.

While mulling this over, I had to ask my husband his thoughts on this. His answer is that if it would’ve happened to us, he would break up with me. He believes that it’s always better to have freedom rather than being committed to someone and then hurt them. It’s not breaking up because you think your relationship isn’t going to work but rather breaking up because you want the other person to be free to experience things. He wants to support his partner but not tie her down.

To this, I said, well what if I meet someone new there? He goes, well at least you didn’t hurt me and you don’t have to feel guilty about it. He basically wants to break up but he also wants his partner to come back to him, eventually. Is it me or does my husband think weirdly?

I still don’t know the right answer to this. What’s worse is there is no right answer. You’d have to put into consideration everything in your relationship before making a decision. The only right decision here is letting your partner go. Relationships shouldn’t hold you down. Your partner should support you and push you out of your comfort zone.

LDRs sometimes work but sometimes it also fails. Love and relationships are always a little tricky. The only thing I can really say is to love hard and love true.

If you were in their shoes, what would you do? (ps. I may or may not tell them your comments for fun.)

Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash


24 thoughts on “Thoughts this Sunday”

  1. If that was me, I veer more towards your husband’s opinion. Same kami. There’s only so much can happen in 24 hours, how much more in 3 years? I agree with him, to support him/her but not tie him/her to you. Basta talaga love/relationship ang sakit sa ulo! HAHA kaya ayaw ko niyan eh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thinking about it now, I have never been in love kaya I really have no idea how it’d be. Pero just imagining in general, mahirap talaga. As in. It’ll take a great deal of patience, understanding, and of course mahalagang mahalaga rin talaga ang sangkatutak na assurance. Kaya talaga ayoko ng mga ganyan eh. Masakit kasi talaga sa ulo. Maloka na lang tayong lahat. HAHAHAHAHA

        Well in the end. nasa tao na rin naman talaga. Sabi mo nga there’s no right or wrong answers. It all depends on the people involve and how they decide to handle it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. True! I just wish hindi mangyari to sa atin kasi ang hirap talaga, alam ko na. Parang ayaw ko gumawa ng decision kung ako yan. 😐


  2. Idk why I’m thinking about it when I’m not in a relationship lol but here’s a thing, I am more likely the one who will be going abroad to pursue something bigger and higher than what I have now. But, I would surely go against your husband’s decision. I mean, it’s not weird, but knowing myself (at least I think so) I would still try my best to commit. If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t. If it does, then that’s one thing we both could be proud of – like another milestone in the relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Vienna, kamustaaaa??? 🙂 pareho tayo, gusto ko try and commit pa din kasi diba sayang naman. I would still like to try even if may possibility of failure. Gusto ko lang din may assurance (in the form of either proposal or ayun nga big investment) para at least may motivation kami to stay committed. :/ Ang hirap kasi regardless if ikaw yung naiwan or mangiiwan, masakit huhu


  3. From your husband’s pov I now see the benefit of letting go, being emotionally independent and starting fresh when you end the relationship. Because the connection is so hard to keep!

    The hubby and I did the opposite. We were in an LDR for a long time (as in way more than 3 yrs) with short visits in between. We never sat down to discuss if we should break up or not. Besides, distance is not the only reason why relationships fail. It can fail even when people are together.

    Maybe we were naive teenagers but our mindsets were focused on the fact that we like each other. We treated distance as irrelevant. Like…if you have a sibling and they live and study abroad. They don’t stop being your sibling. If you had a friend that moved for a job, you don’t consciously say you are ending your friendship because of their move. We were independent and we got busy with our own lives. So it worked out for us.

    There was a lot of frustration and insecurity but we were able to get through it. Pero magkasama na kami ngayon so it was very clear to both of us from the start that we should be together at a certain point.

    I agree with you, there is no right or wrong answer. Whichever way you do it, things will work out as long as one is firm with their decisions and clear ang expectations.

    (Ang dami kong nasabi sa first comment ko. Sorry. Relate much kasi. Lol.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! Nakakatuwa and nakakainspire yung kwento niyo! If it’s not too personal, can I ask bakit ka andun? Was it for work or studies keme din?

      Nasa commitment talaga ng magkarelasyon yun no? Kung commited ka talaga at alam mo sa sarili mo na kaya niyo yun, distance is just distance. Mahirap lang talaga pero kung mahal niyo yung isa’t isa kaya yan. Isshare ko to sa friend ko kasi I do think na it’s going to work out for them. 🙂 Thank you for visiting my blog, Yin! 🙂

      (ps. Ako lang ba yun or hindi ko maopen yung blog mo pag cnlick ko yung link sa comment mo?)


      1. Nagmigrate yung family ko. Oo mahirap pero keri naman. Crossing my fingers for your friends! Thanks for letting me kniw. Inayos ko na. Naka connect pala sya sa dati kon blog address. Lol😀


  4. Im still not married but i have a boyfriend for almost 3 years now. Im about to graduate this march and i have plans on going abroad to pursue my career. My bf doesn’t want me to go but he also is willing to support me if ever that time comes. Ldr is tricky and frightening but our relationship started with the phrase “susugal ba or magiging coward na lang parati” and we both believe na to stay committed and just support each other whatever it is. I agree on the point na your partner should not be the reason that you’re not able to grow instead your partner should be one of the reasons why you’re growing but on the other side of the argument, i firmly believe na breaking up is not the key just so your partner could pursue his/her dreams. I mean it’s better to see each others’ growth diba for richer, for poorer ika nga. Still, neutral pa rin talaga ako about this matter. Ang gulo kasi and me too, is still unsure what would really happen if ako na nasa situation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Chismosa lang, where do you plan to go? I think if malapit lang, like Singapore or any Asian country, mas manageable yung LDR. Pero kung mas malayo, like Middle East, ibang usapan na yun. Gusto ko yung mentality niyo na fight lang. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m planning to go to japan mejo malapit lang naman pero unsure pa rin ako. Hirap kasi talaga pag LDR. Si Lord na lang talaga nakaka alam sa future natin. Lalo na sakin na di pa married. Anytime pwede ma agaw or mawala. :/

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I really love hearing other people’s answers on this post, lol. Everyone’s answers are so different. I agree that the 3 years apart is too long. But the optimist in me thinks that if we’re both committed it might still work out.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know! That’s also one thought I had but, you know, you can’t/shouldn’t say that to people’s face (or maybe I should but I don’t want to be that person, lol).

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Same kami ng husband mo. That’s what I always say to my partner kapag may mga jokes siyang magaabroad siya. Number 1 ko yan na pinaka-ayaw. Whatever the purpose. Then he would have follow-up questions like, “What if susunod ka naman after 2 years? Ako muna?” for me, not really. Ayoko talaga. Hindi ko kaya. Might as well let go of each other nalang.



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