It has been quite a while when I just sat down and typed my feelings. Maybe I want to do this because I’m sick and I feel raw and my eyes feel like falling from their sockets but what the hell, right?
Anyway, January has been okay. Married life is still good but we had our biggest fight this month. I mean, I was crying a lot. I never thought I’d cry that much but I did. We got over it, like all married couples should, after talking, readjusting our perspectives and compromising a bit more. I sometimes hate how I feel like all I’ve done last year is to change and adjust for my husband – like the person I know I am isn’t here anymore. I, of course, improved the negative aspects of my attitude – but still. I can’t believe that a part of marriage goes a little something like that. I thought you’re supposed to accept the whole person wholeheartedly?
I could go on about my marriage problems (and when I mean problems, I mean adjusting problems) but I’m not going to. I’ll spare you the details and let you know that despite all the adjustments, I’m good and I’m blaming my snake self for all of it.
This month, I also started this habit of journaling. I’ve combined some aspects of morning pages and bullet journaling and so far I haven’t skipped a Saturday. I can only commit one day a week for now but once I form a habit and get a groove on things, maybe I can do it more often. Sometimes when I write my thoughts down, I feel like I’ve exhausted a lot of effort already but when I read it I know I’ve only scratched the surface. That’s how I’m unused to writing. If I type it down, I know it’s going to be longer but I’ve read that writing down is always better since it connects to your truer self.
When we write by hand, we connect to ourselves. We may get speed and distance when we type, but we get a truer connection–to ourselves and our deepest thoughts– when we actually put pen to page.
And because I’ve been journaling and connecting to my self a bit more, it honestly feels like I’ve opened Pandora’s Box, lol. I never thought I’ve had issues or worries but everything’s being uncovered and I’m worried. I honestly want to shove everything under the rug but once you’ve uncovered these things, what do you do?