I should be writing my “Let’s Have Coffee” post but instead here I am just wanting to type something without thinking for the first time in a while. So, here goes nothing.

Life is pretty good lately. Honestly, I don’t have complaints. I like my work, I love my husband and married life, and I like the responsibility of adulthood. Sure it’s tiring and oh-my-goodness does it never end but I feel at peace lately. I am honestly feeling a shift in my life and I’m scared most of the time. I feel like my priorities are changing and I’m not sure if I want them to change just yet. I mean, maybe I want them to change, but being the perfectionist that I am I don’t know if letting go of control (at such a pivotal moment of my life) is actually a good idea.

I hope I’m making sense.

It’s the also -ber months already which means Christmas is right around the corner. I hate this season because it reminds me of my dad. God has blessed me with an amazing husband and so I’m reminding myself to be excited of this season for him. Maybe I can be sad in the dark? I don’t want to be sad in the dark though. I want to be legitimately happy but I feel like if I do that, I’m leaving my dad behind. (Although in truth, I feel like I already did which makes me even sadder because here are all the exciting moments of my new life and he isn’t even a part of it.)

I also want a baby but without the responsibility. I want to have a baby and have a career. But I also want to be with my child every step of the way. I want to have one now but I’m so torn and scared of the future. I’ve been trying to have sidelines/small businesses, lol, but I’ve been failing at it. I want to be able to help my partner financially while being a future stay at home mom. Oh, wait, I’m not yet pregnant but I’m already worried about that (see my control issues?).

I’ve been telling myself to let go lately. God has a plan, God will provide. But how do I trust Him when I know sometimes He won’t always give me what I want (and what I want is lots of money because it makes the world go round and this want makes me feel so ashamed because I already have enough but I still want more)?

I have a million life-changing questions and decisions to make which explains the lack of blog posts lately. I feel overwhelmed by everything. I feel like I have to succeed in this next phase of my life but, as usual, life didn’t come with a handbook and I’m left here just reminding myself to trust the process even if I don’t know if I believe that myself.

So, tell me, how are you lately?

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About the Author Kat

To keep it short and simple: I'm twenty-nine years old. Still plenty young, but not as young as I used to be.

21 comments

    1. To be honest, Colline, I think it’s guilt. I feel guilty “leaving” my dad behind and I know how unfair that would be for my husband. 😦 I know what I need to do….I just need to come to terms with it. πŸ™‚ Thanks so much for commenting. It means a lot to me that a “stranger” would even tell me these things πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Happy October Kat!
    I am so happy to hear that you are feeling at peace ❀ I never thought about associating the -ber months with the holidays, but I like it! I am sorry that this time reminds you of your Dad. It is so hard to lose someone that you love so much. Just remember that if you are happy and making new memories it does not mean you are leaving your Dad behind. He would want you to be happy more than anything else and his spirit is always with you. Hang in there, I know the memories and missing him is so hard.
    It is exciting that you are thinking about the future and being a mom. I think you are going to be an amazing mother! It is such a scary thought for me too because it is a lifelong commitment, but what an amazing experience to bring new life into the world! My excuse is that I need to finish school and get a career first lol.
    What's new in my world? Well, as you know, Christopher and I drove across the country with our 2 cats and 2 cars and we moved to beautiful Maine which is on the east coast. I decided to fly 10 hours back to my home town for a final quarter on campus. This is the year that I am finally going to get my university degree. Christopher stayed back in our new home to watch our cats. I miss them so much and found out that it snowed yesterday. I am staying so busy with my classes, working out, and dancing as much as I can. I hope you are doing well too!

    ❀ Alana

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, Alana… I didn’t know you left Maine to go back to school! How long is a sem for there? I hope it’s going to be quick and you can join Christopher and your cats soon. I can’t wait for you to finish school and start the rest of your life! πŸ™‚ I wanna see career woman Alana! πŸ™‚

      In the Philippines, the Christmas holidays really start early – like September early. Even before my dad’s passing I already hated the early Christmas feeling. I just ‘hate’ it more now. Thanks so much for your encouraging words. I am trying to tell myself that it is okay to be happy. I’m not leaving him, I’m just accepting things as they are, right?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Kat!
        Going home wasn’t part of my initial plan. It all happened so fast. I decided 2 weeks before classes started that I was going to do it. At that exact time we found out that the seller of our house accepted our offer so we packed up our apartment and our 2 cats and drove to our new home. I was there for 2 days then flew out on the 3rd day.

        I figured that it was probably perfect timing. Through the years, Christopher and I have experienced long distance several times. The first was when he worked in Seattle so we got an apartment up there and I stayed in our house which was close to school and we saw each other during the weekends. The 2nd time was for 3 months when he worked in New Zealand and I again stayed home for school. Thank goodness for skype! And now there is this time again I am returning for school. So yes! I am looking forward to finishing school so that it won’t separate us anymore πŸ™‚

        This quarter goes until the 2nd week of December so I will be home for Christmas ❀ Speaking of Christmas, it sounds like your holidays have already begun. I could not have said it better myself, Kat. It is definitely more than okay for you to be happy. In fact I recommend it. Your dad would not want you to suffer. You are finding peace and acceptance. It does not mean that you have forgotten him or are leaving him behind.

        ❀ Alana

        Like

  2. AND I’M BACK!

    Charoz, may pa-effect pang ganon. Namiss ko ang blogging world!!!! Gusto ko yung control issues mo char. Seryoso, grabe ng ang adulting life pero ganon talaga ang buhay eh. Di tayo pwede mag-skip. Pero I’m happy na you are fulfulled sa life mo ngayon. You deserve to be happy! Di ako makacomment sa mga food entries mo kasi hindi ako marunong magluto 😦 hahahah pero mahilig ako kumain!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. BESHYYYY I MISS YOUUUU!!! Kamusta???

      Ang dami kong issue pero number one talaga yung control. Gusto ko lang kasi maayos lahat yung planado, imposible, alam ko, pero at least gusto ko 50% maplan ko. LOL ang hirap ewan. Pero namiss kita, try mo magluto! πŸ˜€

      Like

      1. Ito grabe lang daming nangyari since April. Hahaha I will blog about it. Inaayos ko lang paano. Hahaha.

        Okay lang naman yan. Talagang may advabtanges at disadvantages. Huhuhu namiss din kita. Nako, magluluto na ako kapag walang choice. Hahaha

        Liked by 1 person

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