Today is your birthday and the 596th day since you’ve died. Imagine that, it has been 596 days since I’ve last seen you. 596 days since I’ve last heard your voice. 596 days since I’ve last touched you. 596 days since you’ve been gone.
It hasn’t been easy living a life without you. I’ve felt a myriad of emotions since you’ve left us. I’ve felt lost, unappreciated, confused, strong, emotional, and happy. Through all of these moments and emotions, I only had one wish and that’s I wish you were there by my side.
If I could only turn back time and do things differently I would. I’ve realized that I could have done more for you if only I cared more. I was so busy growing up that along the way I might have taken you for granted.
Or maybe not? Maybe I’m having all these thoughts because it’s your birthday and I miss you. I miss you so bad I might be feeling guilty. I miss you so bad I might be twisting what happened in the past. I miss you so bad I just wish you were here to hug me one more time and remind me how much you love me. We were never the I love you kind of people but you never ever made me feel like you didn’t love me. You might not have said it often but you always made me feel like you did. Today of all days I miss that.
I wore your watch today. I wear it on days when I need a reminder that you might be gone but you didn’t really leave us. I wear it to remind myself that I have a great dad. You might be gone but you will always be with me. I wish, wherever you are, that you are happy and with Lolo. I hope you are eating crispy pata today. I hope you are free of all the pain you’ve felt during your last months. I hope you are proud of me (and the rest of our family of course) with how we’ve dealt with everything since you’ve passed. (Although I have doubts on this one since you have extremely high standards.) I hope wherever you are you feel my love. I miss you so much and man do I wish you were still here.