Hello, my name is Kat and I think I’m fat. I have been fat ever since I was young. Although there was a time in college that I lost weight and it was during this time that people thought I was at my most prettiest. But that was years ago and I’ve come full circle, I am fat once again.
If I showed you a picture, you’d say that I’m not fat. In fact, you’d say I am overreacting and I just look like a normal healthy woman. I’d agree with you. Every time I look in the mirror, I see a woman who is beautiful. I see a confident woman who has a whole life ahead of her. But tell me why is it that at the end of the day I am never satisfied? Why is it that I can’t seem to come to terms with the number on the scale? Why do I care so much that I look stick thin? Why do I feel so fat when deep inside I know I am perfect, cellulite and all?
I blame it on the media. I blame the hypocrites. I blame society for teaching one thing but practice the other. I blame it on myself for letting it all get to my head.
I hate myself so much it hurts. I hate myself because I know I am beautiful but believe another thing. I know I am enough. I know I am perfect but why is it so hard to believe. Why is it so hard to be confident?
Just today I ran 3KM. That’s something considering I’m not an active person but I still think that isn’t enough. I still need to eat less. I still need to drink more water. I still need to stay away from carbs. I’m so hard on myself. I am my biggest critic.
I am at a point in my life where I just want to have fun. But as soon as the lights go out, I am reminded of what the world thinks of me. I lay there, shuddering in the dark.